The journey to self-discovery is yet, another long hard road but it is an accomplishment that every one that is going through this part of the journey should be proud of themselves. I know even you may not see it right now as most are going through a lot of trials and tribulations and it seems that these challenges are not getting better, that it may seem to be getting worse, but I assure you that whatever you are facing right now, you are achieving something greater than yourself.
One day we'll look back at all that we went through and say, “I am still here, I am still standing,” that feeling is the reward. You will begin to have this self-reflection and see yourself for the very first time, not as a separated identity but a person a sacred divine being. This accomplishment in itself is what really matters about the journey to self-discovery, is that you know who you are, where you have been, your own history and where you are going and there is no one that can tell you otherwise, about life and the life you had lead and the life you are about to create.
Self-discovery is about discovering yourself which means all the light and darkness within yourself, it’s not an easy road I for one can tell you that and at times it will seem bloody horrific as you are walking this path. Everything about your life, everything you have ever done is a direct reflection of you, the path you walk no matter what path you take is you, no matter if it's in a spiritual form, or physical it is you.
That’s why this is not easy, therefore it’s are really hard pill to swallow, I know for myself this road was the longest for me lifetimes as it seems, walking this road. I am going to tell you a little bit about my own experience and hope that you can resonate with it.
This path to self-discovery has been a real pain in the ass for me, coming into this life wide awake and not been able to tell anyone, knowing that this world that the Creator and Mother Earth has put in is completely different from the world I came from. Knowing that I didn’t fit in
with my family, I really didn’t fit in anywhere not that I tried to fit in anyways. It felt that the Creator and the Great Mother just dropped me into hell where everything was so dark and cold, and the people were darker and colder than the world they were living only out for themselves.
My journey began here at the age of four years old, trying to figure out where I fit into this grand scheme and why and what was my purpose here. However, I did know that this was a change a do-over to let go of the past life and make a new one this was not easy and the trials and tribulations that would follow would consume me and my entire life. You see, everyone and I don’t care who you are on this path in some way and what you will experience is whatever you had experienced in your past life, the present and the future. It’s how you will experience it this self-discovery will be between the Creator, Great Mother, your guides and well of course Karma. Every experience of different because everyone has experienced different things within the many lives, it’s a freaking lonely road but this is one you will begin to understand that why it’s just a lonely road, it’s all about you and it's about
self-preservation, independence finding it, learning how to stand on your own two feet, that’s why this is a lonely road.
You see, you and I agreed to do this, agreed to come into this life, not because of anyone else but because we agreed to come in the time of our Great Mother’s needs and to re-discover ourselves and begin to heal so that we can be of service to others and our Great Mother. Not all agreements are the same, but we all agreed to something that I know for sure. Myself this road was hell, there was nothing remotely easy about the path that I chose and although I wish to tell my agreement but that is something between myself and the Great Mother but what I can tell you, that when I came into this life, my last life followed right
behind me, the pain and the rage followed me right through this life because I couldn’t let go and I couldn’t find a way to forgive. Now, here I was in a world just as cold as the one I left from and the darkness from my past life ignited itself with the darkness of this world. I was not the person that I am today I can tell you that, I was very self-destructive, I didn’t have to use any violence to create the chaos. Through my own self-discovery, I was blaming the past, myself and other people especially other people for the hell that I caused. Through
the roller coaster ride of my own life, I found out that it was me all of it, I didn’t learn how to forgive, so Karma followed me for lifetimes and I am the one running away always running, always fighting one battle after the other and still digging a hole so big that I myself couldn’t dig my way out.
I allowed my own darkness to finally consume me, unfeeling, unthinking and really didn’t give a damn who I hurt in the process and when I felt that little voice call out, I would push her down so far that it took me years to overcome it. It wasn’t until Karma finally caught up to me when I knew I really buried myself beneath all this hatred and rage, which the pain was buried. When Karma caught a hold of me this is when my journey began, it was just me and Karma for years and as I was walking this journey I saw everything, everything from my past life which is the source of my pain and anger, Karma forced me to relive that and eventually forced me to see all the pain that I have caused since I came into this life. Seeing other people on my path as well but if I was only seeing myself, seeing what people were doing to each other, to the planet, I was seeing myself, my hatred, was manifesting and I am responsible for that too. It took me forever to finally come to my senses to see that I was responsible for the destruction of my own life that eventually bleed out onto the world itself, the energy the darkness that I have created within my own world leaked out. I wasn’t aware of my own energies and how I was affecting the world around me and the people that lived in it.
Facing my own inner demons was tough, no, it was horrific and yet I didn’t really understand until I was 16 years old and I finally looked in the mirror, I did this literally stood in my bathroom and looked in the mirror and when I saw myself for the first time, I didn’t know who it was that I was seeing, but I did know what I was seeing, the darkness within me, which by the way everyone has within them, an ways, when I saw what I saw in the mirror that is what terrified me, I knew then that I had work to do, I was afraid and that is natural.
From that moment on, I knew that my journey had stopped and that Karma would be the source of all my trials and tribulations and I would have to go through the Karmic cycle to get myself better. This is what self-discovery is about you know, facing yourself realizing and owning and taking full responsibility for what you have created, but most of all learning
how to forgive yourself.
When I tell people that I was born awake and that I came into this life fully equipped with all my memories intact they tell me how lucky I am, I seem to always have a reaction to that, like sure buddy walk in my shoes for five minutes then tell me how lucky I am. Through all my own trials and tribulations, I had to face my own inner self, the darkest part of myself, when all the walls came crumbling down there, she was standing there, I knew then that there was nowhere for me to hide or run anymore. This was the face off with myself and I felt compassion for this crazy girl that was standing there fuming with darkness and hatred. Yes, we all have this other half that people deny about themselves, but you won’t be able to deny it forever, eventually, she will catch up with you.
Anyways, as I was standing there and saw myself for the very first time, I saw the pain, and anguish, the anger and the rage, I knew that I couldn’t fight her anymore, no more than she could fight me from keeping me feeling so vile and destructive, for the first time I didn’t see her as a monster, I didn’t see the other half of myself as some creature from hell, what I did see was a girl with a lot of fire, spunk, willing to take chances even if it meant sacrificing her life to do it, even if she were to lose everything all over again. I thought to myself I can sure use someone like that. This is what the crossroad is about too, deciding to stay as you are and remain separated from yourself, or chose another path and embrace all yourself, the real unification always starts within you. I decided to embrace this hellish fire of girl because I realized that being separated was the self-destruction that Karma has been showing me, that the darkest parts of myself are not the darkness that people describe how it is. It’s the source of light that make me divine, connected to the Great Mother, Creator and to all life.
This re-connection between myself and the lost soul was when my life began to change. Of course, nothing happens overnight evolution doesn’t work that way. It takes time and a lot of struggle that’s for sure, learning balance within myself as to where the lightness and the dark parts of myself can co-exist together. This is the inner struggle I am sure maybe some of you can understand.
This trying to co-exist with my other half was damn near impossible but it must happen to heal and to forgive and to learn how to love and like myself, most of all learning how to respect myself and all my essence either be of light or dark. When I got older it was even worse, Karma never goes away and she came with me too, but I started to understand this Karma she wasn’t the enemy as everyone is conditioned to believe, I finally figured her out and as brutal as she is, she only deals within truth and reality, which very few people can handle, I had to learn how to accept the things that I have done and the pain I have caused others, these are the things I have to accept the things that I cannot change. I also had to accept the things that have caused me so much pain and anguish, but I knew that these are the things I can change, dealing with Karma she showed me that I can use my pain and teach it to others, I can use my anger and high level of energies to create something beautiful, she also taught me that I can use the source of my pain and use it to make a difference in the world.
She also showed me that having a dark side of me can be beneficial for me too, I know imagine that, but it was, and it still is. Instead of using my darkness to cause a negative chain of reaction I allow her to have a voice and speak out and speak up against the injustice in the world. This is how I became an activist, this is where the darkest part of myself really took off, taking physical and spiritual action out into the streets, taking a stand.
So, you see folks, anyone that tells you that your darkness should be banished, is wrong, you cannot live without yourself, you can’t survive, just like our Great Mother can’t survive of life without Karma, the sun needs the moon to rise every night, just like the moon needs sun to rise every morning, your heart cannot live without your brain and vice versa, embracing all that makes you who you are, is the reward and the greatest accomplishment that anyone can make.
Today, I am balanced, sometimes its a struggle to stay balanced, sometimes I struggle within myself still, but what is life without its challenges right? How else are we to learn about who we are as individuals, how else are we to learn what we can do? The earth wasn’t created in 7 days, it takes time for the seedling to grow and mature, after all, that is what evolution looks like, everything changes, and everything must change, how else is our mother supposed to evolve right? How else are you and I supposed to evolve?
I am thankful for all the hell that I went through because it taught me how to love myself, it taught me how to be in love and compassionate with myself, it taught me that I am a fighter and a lover and that there is nothing wrong with being both. This journey taught me that I don’t need people to tell me who I am, or my history as they have never walked 5 miles in my shoes. This also taught me the greatest lessons of life, that no matter what happens I am responsible for everything that I create and that I am no longer the blamer and the runner, I will stand and take my hits, and I will be standing after my hits are done. I own my mistakes and accomplishments.
The journey to self-discovery will be different than others than mine because it goes according to what your agreement you made and if you do not remember what that was, don’t worry its all there under the surface, but whatever your agreement was that is what you will experience and what you had experience in your lifetimes too. I like to think it of has being prepared, for something greater than yourself. Self-discovery is all about you, and only you, you will choose how you want to accomplish whatever roads that are set up for your, it won’t be easy and it will be the hardest decision you will ever make as well, but whatever the outcome is, if you are still standing even if you are standing alone, that is the greatest accomplishment one can ever receive.
It’s not about controlling anything it's about changing yourself, embracing all that you are and owning it, sharing it with others, it’s about seeing, feeling, thinking, creating, innovating, becoming something greater than yourself, it’s about knowing who you are without second
causing yourself, its’ about instinct which is the most powerful gift you can ever receive, with instinct you are utilizing your intelligence that brings so much light into the world and into your life. It’s also about utilizing your darkest part of yourself and saying to the world that you are no longer separated from yourself that you are united and if the time comes when you may have to fight, defend and protect all that is sacred, you are spiritually ready and equipped for whatever is to come. And when the fire comes out of you and it will, you will know that you will be there too in the need of the innocent, the defenceless and this is what is this is ever been about you know. Standing on you on two feet and helping those to get off their knees and stand with you. No matter where they are from, why they are coming into other lands everything as its greater purpose in life and all things have a divine plan of bridging the cap that we have lived so far apart from the reality of the true light.
When you have reached this part in your own journey you will no longer accept the ignorance and arrogance of others, because you do see the bigger picture of yourself and the world of others. This is the reward you know when you have accomplished the unity of yourself, you become fearless about everything, unafraid to stand up, this is food for thought this is what this storytelling is, food for thought.
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